I had placed my baby for adoption just months ago & here I was, thinking about the future. "Will my baby hate me if I ever have more children?"I was always so pressed about the what ifs but I had people in my corner to encourage me & tell me not to worry about things that weren't a problem. I would let it go, but then, it would come back. At that time I wasn't sure I even wanted more children after placing my Beloved! I knew this was something I didn't have to keep my focus on, it just somehow continued to creep in & invade my thoughts. If anyone knows me, they know I'm much of an over thinker, nothing goes unspoken! But here I am now, 2 years later, I have an amazing relationship with Beloved & her parents & yet again worried about those thoughts again as I'm pregnant. I didn't think 2 years in I'd still worry about what my daughter think of me preparing myself to parent. You Know, as I think about it, I know her parents tell her how much she is loved by me, I'm starting to wonder is she's even my biggest worry. The real worry here is how everyone's little question will taunt me. I haven't told many that I'm pregnant because after being asked the same question whenever I tell someone I'm pregnant, it hurts & FYI any little thing can trigger these hormonal emotions. "Are You gonna give this baby up, too?" "How are you having another baby when you gave your first baby Up?" Sometimes the first question doesn't even get answered because I try so hard not to let it overpower me & flood my cheeks with tears. I Guess after all what the world thinks & have to say bothers me most. Please know, I chose adoption for Beloved because I knew she deserved more than my love for her could offer. I was more focused on what was best for my daughter & giving her the best at life. While, Today, my life isn't all up to part, I do know I am capable of taking on the role & being the best parent I can be. & world, please know, I am a woman who can bear children, it's what my body was made for & therefore, I don't owe anyone any explanation as to "why" or "how" I'm having another baby when my daughter is Adopted. What I can tell you is, I am still apart of Beloved's life, she knows I love her & thankfully by God's grace she unashamedly tells me she loves me too! I am having another baby because I am able to do just that & I stand fully exposed in my real & raw truth.